Lying in bed, my eyes staring up at my ceiling, surrounded by the pitch blackness of night. My bedside fan drowning out all sounds, my mind distinctly on him. For the first time in nine months, i've finally accepted the fact that we would never happen, and for the first time in nine months, im okay with this fact. I asked myself that night, what does a relationship consist of? Two people caring about one another, mental and physical attraction, trust and of course - love. We have all of these things, we've been there for each other through out everything. There hasn't be one moment where we did not care about one another. Our hearts always with the other person. This was as real as any relationship, it just didn't have the "label" i'd been so desperate for. I've finally decided i don't need this certain label to be happy anymore, i think being able to lay by his side, in his arms, is good enough for me. Kissing him, and calling him "my baby" was good enough for me. All these things that i never thought were good enough, finally are. Texting him every day, all my important thoughts were always filled with him. We face so many hardships on a day to day basis, and although i am not completely happy. I know for certain i would be miserable without him. I don't know what I'm going to do when he leaves to embark on the new chapter of his life. I won't find myself searching for his familliar face in a crowd, I'm dreading this day. But for now, I'm making the most of our last year together. I love you MDR, since november of 2008.
- love always, jenn.
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