nothing and no one.

you need to realize this, before you lose me.

- love always, jenn.

RGR

The girl ran. Breathing, gasping, breathing, running. Euphoric. The world silent and uncomplicated. She saw: the wilderness grasping at the edge of the crumbling road, lumious light spilling from glazed house windows whose lawns were sprinkled with Spanish moss, the first stars beginning to play hide and seek across the sky, brilliant white plumes fading, bursts of orange-yellow-lavender and rose. She reached the top of the hill laughing at the sheer majesty of it all. Filled with happiness and that wonderful tired out your mind feeling. Alive, heart beating madly. The girl flew far far away from the reality she had always known. Her Mizuno's enabling her ascent. The ochre hill became a speck on a map. A voice in the back of her head; don't fly to close to the sun. She recklessly ran on.

The world is a magical place at seven-thirty four.

i love you, i hate you.

i love you: for being the first guy i've ever been completely comfortable with, for being someone i could really open up too and you got to see the real me. for showing me what it really means to be in love with someone, for making me smile and laugh all those times, for being there for me when i needed someone to cry too, laugh with, for being able to handle me (for the most part), for all those amazing passionate moments we shared, for teaching me so much about superheroes, for those sweet words you'd always say, for raising my expectations on love, for making me stronger, for not judging me for things most people would, and finally, even if it may not have been as much as i love you, for loving me...

i hate you: for not wanting this badly enough, for making me cry all those times, for constantly making me feel like shit, for talking to countless girls behind my back, for making me almost lose my best friend, for not trying like i always did, for getting mad at me for the littlest things, for making me look like a complete idiot to my friends, for giving me a bad reputation, for making me feel like i was just a piece of ass, for changing me, for always threatning to leave when things got a little hard, for making me think i actually had a chance to be with you, for not believing that we could honestly get through this, for all those times you ignored me, for changing, for having a bad temper, and finally, for breaking my heart...

- love always, jenn.

When To Say "I Love You."

Say it:

often,
honestly,
earnestly,
selflessly,

while you can.

a heart thats long afraid to feel.

Lying in bed, my eyes staring up at my ceiling, surrounded by the pitch blackness of night. My bedside fan drowning out all sounds, my mind distinctly on him. For the first time in nine months, i've finally accepted the fact that we would never happen, and for the first time in nine months, im okay with this fact. I asked myself that night, what does a relationship consist of? Two people caring about one another, mental and physical attraction, trust and of course - love. We have all of these things, we've been there for each other through out everything. There hasn't be one moment where we did not care about one another. Our hearts always with the other person. This was as real as any relationship, it just didn't have the "label" i'd been so desperate for. I've finally decided i don't need this certain label to be happy anymore, i think being able to lay by his side, in his arms, is good enough for me. Kissing him, and calling him "my baby" was good enough for me. All these things that i never thought were good enough, finally are. Texting him every day, all my important thoughts were always filled with him. We face so many hardships on a day to day basis, and although i am not completely happy. I know for certain i would be miserable without him. I don't know what I'm going to do when he leaves to embark on the new chapter of his life. I won't find myself searching for his familliar face in a crowd, I'm dreading this day. But for now, I'm making the most of our last year together. I love you MDR, since november of 2008.

- love always, jenn.