Epilouge

Once upon a time, there was a girl who made messes. Every morning she would wake up and navigate her way through junk that littered her floor. She would walk to her dresser and open a drawer, filled with memories. On the top, proud and foolish, was her yearbook. On the back page was an inscription. From him.

The girl never opened it. The girl ran away (from everything). The girl had never lost anything. The girl had (never?) been in love.

Things change.

Once upon a time, there was a boy who went through the motions. Everything morning he would wake up and slide on a pair of worn sneakers, pull on some shorts, throw in a shirt. Refreshingly ordinary; just the way he liked it.

The boy always forgot (her; every morning he would push her away). The boy was together and yet apart. The boy always remembered. The boy had always been real.

Two people, walking on the edge of the world. Tilting. Slipping. Getting back up. Flirting with the beads of sand that dropped into an hourglass. Reaching out to grasp hold of, something that they couldn't quite define, something that they couldn't understand. Making decisions. Wandering through life. Apart. But together in the fact that something was always missing. The puzzle eternally incomplete. The vital piece floating around somewhere in the sky, along with;

Her secret smile,
His resolutions,
Her sense of belonging,
His hidden thoughts,

and the truth about forever.

-Whit

hey, i love you.

hey, i love you.
i love the way you look at me, i can see in your eyes how much you care. i love the way you kiss and how yours kisses always make me feel better. i love who i am when im with you. i love how comfortable and secure i feel in your arms. i love the way my fingers fit perfectly between yours. i love how we have our inside jokes. i love how i trust you with all of my secrets. i love how insanely happy you make me. i love your body and how tall you are. i love how incredibly handsome you are. i love your smile, it makes me smile. i love how you appreciate my dork moments. i love how we can talk about superheroes. i love how your passionate about things and you have huge goals set for your life. i love how you dress. i love how you never fail to give me butteflies. i love how my smile never goes away when im talking to you. i love how you can argue with me, and you're just as stubborn as i am. i guess what im trying to say is, i love you, everything about you. the good, the bad, the pretty, the ugly, i accept you for you. and i wouldnt have you any other way.

- love always, jenn.

Chapter Four

Once upon a time, the boy lay awake. Awake, while the rest of the world was cocooned in warm sheets. Awake, while the sun napped. Awake. Restless and tossing. Awake. More aware of the fact, than any time in his life, that he was uncomfortably and undeniably alone.

For the girl, the weekend flew by on the wings of a jet plane, just like it always did. A blink of an eye and there was Monday. Monday the word, that holds hands with promise. As she stared at the the row of staight A's on the refridegerator, she felt light. I matter to someone, she said to the empty kitchen. I matter, I matter, I matter, I matter, she whispered like a prayer for survivial. Then she picked up her bags and hurried outside to catch her ride.

With the prayer still lingering on her lips like a forgotten kiss, the girl floated through the halls . Looking for the lost boy.

Once upon a time, the boy magically caught her eye, colored a bright and hopeful shade of cerulean today. That magnetic welcoming smile, drew him closer. Will power willingly vanquished. Five steps, four steps, three steps, two steps, one step away. And there she was like a lighthouse, a beacon, pulling him from the ocean. She held a silent strength that no one could ever muster. Invisible threads hung off her,teathers, tying him to her.

He walked into the class that they shared, noticing for the first time how incredibly far away she really was. He watched her raise her hand to answer another impossible question, he watched the teacher smile at her, he watched her write, he watched her, watched her mind whirl. He just stared at his blank paper. They were from two different worlds. Their paths would never cross, however much he wanted them to. He watched her, drift farther and farther away. Just...out...of..his...reach.

The boy debated. He watched her run her hands through her hair. Watched, wanted, let go. It was the hardest, worst, most essential, selfless, rash thing he would ever do. He knew she was going to turn any moment and look up at him so easily so reassuring and he would have to look back. He knew what he had to do; without a doubt he had to do for he what she did for him; she opened his eyes to everything. She whispered into his ears, I hope you know that you're gonna be someone. She believed. He could hold on to that glimmering piece of hope for forever. But he had to do what was best. With the echo of her whisper, replaying in his ears. The boy made up his mind.

The girl smiled at him. Freely.

The boy turned his head slowly, looked down, almost imperceptively. But she saw it; and for her that was always enough. Her secret smile was swept away and hidden under that old dusty rug in her mind. Off to become another relic. Hidden. Safe. Broken.

-Whit

you belong with me.

A noisy and crowded lunchroom held more than just young, foolish teenagers and bad cafeteria food for me. It held secrets, deception, love, unbreakable bonds, myself and a certain boy. This part of the day was always my least favorite. If you were to look at me, you'd see nothing unusual. You'd see a girl eating a basic lunch and surrounded by friends - cracking jokes, smiling and laughing. If you were to look inside my head however, you'd see my mind was not on the conversations being held. You'd see i was thinking about the boy sitting exact opposite of me on the other side of the cafeteria. The boy sitting next to her. This girl, that was so smugly seated next to him, was a very unique girl. More quiet than most, her face hardly ever showing happiness, her posture slouched, and her outfits pecuilar. He found something spectacular within her, something i never could see or understand what it was. Nonetheless, she had the two things i wanted most dearly. His heart and the profound label as his "girlfriend." Day by day, i'd see these two together. In the mornings, brief moments in the hallway, and always at lunch. The one thing i felt everytime i saw them together, was always the same. It felt as though my whole body had suddenly been electrically shocked and my heart was being cut open. I would fight back the tears that stung my eyes, and attempt to keep my composure as the confident, fun, always happy, girl that everyone saw me as. I promised myself that i would not let this affect me, but it always did. This was the girl that i never could seem to measure up to. His heart showed more love to her than it ever did to me. He might be telling me sweet things and making me feel a certain way, but at the end of the day, lying in bed, it was not me who was on his mind, it was her. At the end of the day, she was the person he wanted to be with most in this world. Knowing this, i never did understand why i stuck around. I was merely a back up to him, the girl he would go to when she did something to piss him off. I wanted him so dearly to see though, that he belonged with me. That i was the girl who deserved to love his heart, to be his shoulder to cry on, the one that he was thinking of when the moon was lighting up our small town. It was supposed to be me. The only person i thought knew how i felt, was someone i didn't even know personally. The lyrics to the song "You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift, seemed to fit my life to a T. I can't tell you how many times i have sang the words to that song, more than any math scholar could count. Me and this boy were not getting any better though. At one point of time, it seemed like aruging was the only thing we did anymore. I don't remeber such a time where i have cried so much, or felt as desperate and pathetic as i did. But nonetheless, i stuck by his side, waiting, praying, that i would be the one he would choose in the end. Ironically, eight months later, she did the choosing for the both of us. She ended things with him, for reasons i still do not know. He's still to this day, not mine, but i know for sure he will see, that he belongs with me...


- love always, jenn.

Chapter Three

Once upon a time, the girl was afraid. So the girl ran and ran and ran until her feet weren't touching the ground. The voice in her head saying, faster, farther, faster. Her body yelling, screaming. Stop! Too tired! Give up! No, never, she promised to the moon and stars. The girl listened to her footsteps bounce off the trees and the only echo she heard sounded like: loneliness.

The girl thought about him. The way his hands jumped about when he talked, made her know that eventually his hand would jump into hers and she would foolishly hold onto it. The way his face reminded her of every work of art she had ever seen. The way he looked her in the eyes, surely, studiously, sweetly, made her want to know his secrets.

The boy walked. Alone and slow. He listened to the aftermath of the game: laughter and voices mingling with pride. He heard his name called, but he didn't like how foreign it sounded (coming from other lips). He kept walking, hands in pockets; thinking, thinking, dreaming, thinking.

Once upon a time, the boy looked up into the same sky he saw every night. He saw the same cream-colored imperfect orb. He saw the same, stars dying gracefully, gifting the earth with an echanting glimmer. But tonight they belonged to her; in the moon her saw her lips, full and expressive. The stars, of course her many smiles, some wise, some filled with mischeif, some glowing and some sad. She was all around him; air, wind, light, darkness. The world hanging from her fingertips.

She was the place where the lines between everything and nothing met.

The girl stopped running and whispered her promise again. Feeling alive, the girl smiled. Feeling the possibility in the air, the girl laughed. And her laugh broke into a million little pieces, scattering into the crisp September air.

A few miles away, while unlocking his door, a breeze grazed his face and the boy smiled without reason.

-Whit

first day of forever.

I awoke with a jolt, a million and one things running through my mind, the biggest thought however, was it was the first day of school. No big deal right? Wrong, it was the first day of high school. I got ready like i was a celebrity preparing for a red carpet event. Every strand of hair was perfectly placed, my make-up was put on with precision, and my planned outfit was layed across my bed. I walked over to the desk in my room, on it, a single piece of notebook paper was placed. I picked it up, at the top of the paper, in scribbled writing was the title, "Goals for my freshman year." the first thing on the list, the most important thing, read "fall in love." I smiled and put the list back down. Grabbing my bag i made my way down to my mother's truck, anxiously i got in. The whole ride there, i was a nervous wreck, i had no idea how much this year would affect my life. We pulled up to where i would spend the rest of my four years of school. Nervously i got out of the truck. Instantly i was greeted by friends. We exchanged, hugs, smiles, stories, and my nerves floated away. Suddenly, after about twenty minutes or so, a loud bell rang through the hallways, signaling that we should make our ways to first period. I traveled with a large group of friends as we headed to athletics. It went exactly as i thought it would. We recieved our athletic clothes, lockers, and I met my future coaches. Fifty-five minutes later, the annoying bell rang again. Me and three friends made our way to french, excited to see what this romantic language class would hold. As i walked into the room, there he sat two rows from the front. Arms folded together across his desk, his face hidden beneath his arms. Hearing us walk in, he looked up. He was by far one of the most handsome boys i'd ever seen. His hair styled in the infamous fohawk, his light brown eyes framed with thick dark lashes, perfect complexion, deep tan skin, and perfect dark pink lips. My heart sped-up quickly as our eyes met. I could feel myself blush, i smiled shyly and looked away quickly. Nervously, my companions and i picked a seat two rows away. After our broken gaze, he resumed his lazy position. Sitting in my seat, i had no idea that i had just met the boy i would consider my first love. As our teacher called role, everyones named seemed unimportant, just another name in this world, until our french instructor called out his. I looked curiously at the boy, and he spoke the simple word "here." My heart fluttered with the sound of his voice. It sounded deep but sweet. Afterwards, we were instructed to go around the class and introduce ourselves, i saved him for last. Shyly i walked up to him, "hi, my names jenn." i said giving him my best smile. He looked at me for a brief moment and smiled back. Behind those perfect lips, were of course, a set of matching perfect teeth. His smile made my heart jump and i sat down beside him. He was sixteen, a junior, and told me he was playing soccer. Simple basic facts, but i felt as though i could listen to him talk forever. I exchanged my interests, fifteen, basketball, and a freshman. We discussed things for a few moments, than i returned back to my original seat with my friends. At the time, i thought he was just another boy, a boy i thought was cute and interesting. Nothing more to it, how wrong i was. Two months later, we had exchanged numbers, and had really started to get to know each other. I told him things that only my best friend knows about me, and he in return told me a few secrets. Every text recieved brought a smile to my face. I fell fast for this boy. I still remember the first time we kissed. How could anyone forget the first time they'd kissed their first love? It was after his soccer practice and after my basketball practice. We were walking up and down the hallway near the gym and we stopped next to the cross country sign. He leaned up against the wall and looked down at me, his arms by his side, he slowly moved them around me, i felt his warm embrace. Wrapping my arms around him, i put my head up against his chest. His heart beating rapidly. I looked up at him, slowly his lips moved towards mine....finally they met. A sudden explosion of butterflies and happiness erupted throughout my body. I had never felt anything like this feeling. After this perfect kiss, i just looked up at him and smiled. His phone vibrated in his pocket, signaling that he had to go. He kissed me again, the same feeling came back. We smiled at each other and he told me he would text me. I watched him walk out of the building, my heart thudded in my chest. I felt like i was walking on air. I made my way out to the shuttle bus, eager for his text. After that, i knew he was unlike any guy to me, i knew i was in love. Unexpectedly he felt the same way, our first "i love you's" were exchanged on November 28th, 2008. Those three words had never meant that much to me and i had never meant them more. Everyday was an amazing and beautiful day. I would awake to good morning texts and fall asleep to sweet and thoughtful words from him. My heart felt so complete and unbroken, this was the happiest i had ever been. I wish i could go back to the times where i felt that happy with him. Where everything seemed so completely perfect, instead, things are such a trainwreck right now. Im nervous to see which direction we go in towards the future...fingers crossed it works out. I still remember that first day, the first day of what feels like forever..


- love always, jenn.

Chapter Two

Once upon a time, the girl listened to her favorite song. Towards the end of the song the crowd came in and started singing, whoaaa, whoaaa, whoaaaa, all together in makeshift harmony; a beautiful cacaphony. As the girl heard the boy say his name, it reminded her of that song. A sound that ended life as she knew it.

It was something pure and vital. Something everlasting. Something with resonance. A deep rich chocolate sound. Something to savor. Something to protect. Something to love.

The boy asked her name, perilously. She cast her eyes down. Until now, shyness had never been so appealing to him. She whispered it, and it flew up into the sky. It sounded like laughter drenched in sunshine. It was something he wanted to hoard and hide away from the rest of the world; he didn't want them to ruin it.

Her name, that star, lighting up in front of him. Glowing. Her name, that declaration, ringing in his ears. Replaying. Her name, that breath, brushing delicately against his cheek. Warming.

Once upon a time, the boy really smiled for first time. That whole night, he barely talked. Just listening to her. That tantalizing voice rolling over words like water. Words, words, words, water, water, water. He couldn't bring himself to blink that often, he would miss something important.

Like her forehead crinkling. Or the grey flecks in her eyes. Or her hair all wild and windblown. Or the way she walked through the parking lot, lost into her thoughts. But then turning around and smiling at him, beckoning. Saying, the truth about forever is...Mothlike he drew closer.

Then just like that she was gone, magic ceased. Spell broken. Gone. Gone with a slow closing of those blue eyes. Gone, and running, sprinting away, far away.

The stadium lights went out.

-Whit

Chapter One

Once upon a time, the air was alive and bright. A girl slipped on her jacket and a boy pulled a hat over his ears. They got into seperate cars, and drove the same route.

The boy watched the band sway in formation. Back and forth, sounds colliding as they moved gracefully, too coreographed to be real. He hummed. Fingers tapping metalized beats, blending in. Too soon, the symphony siezed and the stark silent emptiness surrounded him.

The girl watched the lost boy slip deeper into the waves of the music, letting it wash over him. She remembered him. They'd shared hallways since the sixth grade. Easy laughter, tricky smile, careless smarts. She gazed up at the boy, thinking, liking what she saw.

The boy heard a noise. Music?! He turned and looked and saw her. Looking back at him. Blue eyes to blue eyes. The boy smiled, a secret smile, and motioned in an earnest fashion, to her, silently hoping she would come. Closer, closer, closer.

Once upon a time, a girl decided to take a risk. Her breath making snow-colored imprints in the air as she climbed higher and higher up the bleachers. And then finally, suddenly, she was there and it was if she'd always been, and as if she would be.

The boy unconciously held out his hand to the girl and said his name. Like the falling of rain or the sound a dandelion makes after a wish has been made. His name was a gift.

-Whit

Prolouge

Once upon a time, there was a girl who knew everything and nothing. Every morning she would wake up and walk to the fridge and glance at the report card pinned to it's surface, proudly displaying a column of straight A's. She wondered if they actually meant anything to anyone.

The girl never skipped a class. The girl was semi- popular (which was always semi-enough). The girl never gave anything but her best. The girl had never been in love.

Once upon a time, there was a boy who filled the empty spaces in a room. Every morning he would wake up and comb his hair, brush his teeth and dress like every other boy in the world.

The boy always smiled. The boy was popular. The boy always laughed. The boy had always been himself.

Two people on different paths, that would seemingly never intersect. But there is always a chance, always a definining choice. A moment where time stops indefinitely. A moment composed entirely of glass, promises and hope. The moment where one hand holds its hand out to another, and possibility is the only sound you can hear.


-Whit

this ones for us.

heres my story and why me and whitney decided to write this blog:

i think every girl gets her heart broken at least three times in this lifetime, and the one guy that fixes it, is the lucky son of a bitch that gets to call himself her husband. i think heart breaks, crying, frustration, wanting someone so bad it hurts - is all part of the experience of love. so whenever the REAL thing comes along, you already know how to appreciate it. ive been experiencing a roller coaster ride of a "relationship" for almost ten months now. ive given this guy everything that you can possibly give to a person. my heart, my time, my love. everything. but that somehow is still not enough for him. eight out of the ten months hes had a girlfriend, bad on my part i know. ive never been proud of that. however, when you feel that electricity when you kiss that person, how your heart speeds up whenever they walk into a room, the feeling of being complete when you're talking to them, its like that other girl never existed. i know what everyone is thinking, "why are you still there after you've been waiting for ten months? he obviously doesnt want to be with you." - that statement has been replaying in my head over and over again. a part of me, knows exactly that he doesnt want a future with me, im just kind of there to him. the other part, the part obviously i listen too, says hes the one guy who can make my heart fly and my smile the biggest, this is what it must feel like to be in love. im done listening to that though, im snapping myself back into reality, im doing things that must be done. im tired of being unhappy, im tired of looking at myself and asking what im doing wrong. because the problem is not with me, it is with him. loves only the wonderful, magical, beautiful thing if you are both giving and recieiving it. obviously, im only giving it. this blog is for everyone whose felt like they've hit rock bottom, to anyone who has ever given their heart to someone and had them break it, we've all been there. this ones for US.


- love always, jenn.

Average Jane

I am like you. I live an ordinary life. There are no monuments dedicated to me. I have yet to climb Mt. Everest. I will grow old and die. I will never get my Hogwarts acceptance letter (a fact that saddens me on a daily basis). I may be just another face in the crowd. But I am searching for something; and extraordinary feeling called love.

Ciao, Whit