Invincible or Invisible?

I wonder if I should talk to him. I want to but at the same time I am afraid. I just can't keep putting myself out there. I can't risk losing anymore space in my heart than I already have. I am tired of fighting to hold on to something I never really had. Maybe my version of the past is screwed, maybe he never really loved me and maybe we were just friends. But maybe just maybe I'm right. Maybe we're both afraid of ourselves whene we're together. Maybe we're both afraid of change. However, he is a different person than he was a year and a half ago. She changed him. His eyes are still blue, his smile still boyish and genuine, his persona still unshakably good and he is still perfectly polite. For the most part he is the same, yes. But you have to look deeper to see the subtle alterations in his character. He lets cuss words sling from his lips without a second thought. He no longer looks me directly in the eyes; he is distracted and uninterested. My little chameleon, my lost boy, has cast his innocence aside. He has grown up. I look at him now and all I see is a testament to my labryinth of suffering- how am I to escape it when I see him everyday? In his arms, a place I have never ventured, lies the warmth I so desire. With a quick, small smile on his part, he can bring about a big goofy grin from me. But he does not see the sadness in my eyes. He is no longer atuned to the peculiarities of my crooked heart. My world is teeming with life; estoy contendo (I am happy) but I am not complete. Maybe I have some horrific disfigurement that I have overlooked or failed to aknowledged. Maybe I am obnoxious and loud. Perhaps, I am overwhelming and incomprehensible. But what people fail to realize is that I am not like this out of choice, but rather out of nescessity; in order to be invincible, I must be unlovable, complicated and unatatched.

-Whit