Inside It All Feels the Same

It's over.
But I wouldn't trade this feeling. I feel to alive. My eyes, they're acid. My throat is sore. My head throbs. But I wouldn't trade this feeling, being here like this, on this field. It's dark. We're all just looking, staring, unsure. Where do we go from here? We're crying and it's over. It's dark and our hands are shaking as we place them above our heads and against each others and I can feel the stillness. We're lost. It's dark and we're unsure. We're grasping for a foothold within each other. 


Why are you still here? 
Don't ask us to answer because we don't know. It's over and we won't ever be in this moment, together, again. The familiar dirt shifts beneath our feet. Faces cleansed by angry tears. We're here and it's harder than it should be, than we expected. We apologize to each other: I am sorry for my inability to make things last. Don't you understand I want us to stay here always?


Look, he says, you built this. Look, at this legacy we have built together. He says, remember remember. 


It's over and I can feel the vagueness, the uncertainty. It's dark and we're unsure, we are lost. The darkness swallows us up one by one. Poof. Gone. Remember, he whispers with his blue eyes on our faces. Poof. Seven gone. Seven remain. 


And you just stood there at the gate, like tell us where to go next. Your faces, you looked so defeated like all the life was gone. I wish you could have realized how special this was, how special you were together. Maybe then you would have fought harder. If you knew what you know now-how would you change it? You were so special. You could have done anything. Anything. 


And I am writing just to say that I am writing. I am writing so I don't forget what this feels like. I am writing because writing defies time. Here is what I have been trying to answer-how do we make sure we don't run out of time?


And what was it that that great man said?

We must accept finite disappointment but never lose infinite hope, or something along those lines. It really doesn't matter anymore anyways.  I know this much is true.