Letter 105: My Everyday Life

This is what you  would do if you were me:

You wake up in the morning and you tell yourself, “Today is the day I am going to forget.”

You go through your routine.
Put on a sweatshirt. 
Lace up your Converse.
Stare at the picture of him that's taped to your mirror.
He looks better than you...remembered.

You go to Journalism class and take notes.

You eat lunch with your friends.

You sit under the weeping willow in the park with a Kurt Vonnegut book.
Harrison Bergeron. They kiss ceilings in that book. 

You go to Astronomy class and the professor tells you that sometimes it takes millions of years for a star’s light to reach the Earth, to reach our eyes; millions of years to illuminate the hazy outlines of two people kissing on a warm summer evening.

This makes you think of that day driving through the mountains.
He needed a shave. 
He said: " "They say the snow has been up there for an immeasurable amount of years. Even during the summer, it remains. Isn't it a pretty idea to think that others, perhaps, a thousand years ago, have seen the same snow that we are looking at?"

And you said: "The prettiest."
You remembered.

You go back to your dorm.

You get ready for a blind date.

You put on red lipstick.

You go to dinner.

He walks you back to your dorm.

He kisses you and it’s not so bad. It’s just a kiss.

You say good night.

You walk the eight flights of stairs to your room.

You brush your teeth.

Take off your makeup.

You change into pajamas.

You slide into bed.

You close your eyes.

Somewhere in this distance, music is playing: “There must be some kinda way outta here, said the joker to the thief, there’s too much confusion, I can’t get no relief.”

His song.

You smile a sad smile.

You remembered and it’s not so bad.

It’s actually kind of nice.

This is what you’d do if you were me: you would remember you (and you would realize that even if you wanted to forget, you couldn’t). 


Sasha, this is what I do most days. Most days I can't breathe because I miss you so much. Because I love you so much. I wish it wasn't this way sometimes but you're the most real thing, I have. It takes me saying this to make it true. Let me come see you. That is all except for my wish and it is simple: I wish I was wherever you are every single day of your life.