with you or without you.

FAITH:

what does that five letter word mean to you? is it what keeps you going in life? is it the only thing that keeps you from crying at night? because thats what it means to me. i kept faith that i would get the boy i was in love with for a year. hell, i still have faith in this thought. no matter how much i cry, no matter how bad i wanna throw my hands up and yell "I QUIT." theres always something that keeps me here, waiting and i dont know what it is. its certainly not the fact that this situation keeps me happy; because im not. im sad ninety-five percent of the time. im pissed off one hundred percent of the time and its made me lose belief in a lot of things. so why am i still here waiting? its a question i ask myself every morning when i look at the girl i used to know in the mirror. ive changed dramatically over this past year. in some ways for the better in some for the worst. i just want to know god's plan for my life, what direction hes leading me in, when everything ive gone through is gonna make sense. when all the tears, frustration, when this nightmare is going to be over. when the dark clouds of a rainy day are gonna part and reveal sunshine for my life. whens my happy day going to come? did i go about the wrong way of falling for him? i think not, you dont really have a choice in who you fall in love with. if you did, i wouldnt be in it right now. god, give me the strength, and give me the knowledge, to give me happiness. because im not right now...and it feels like with or without him, thats how its going to be.

- love always, jenn.